I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
