she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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