What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
