Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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