just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
