the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
