Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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