Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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