make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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