when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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