You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
