It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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