bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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