Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
