She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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