In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
BRING THE BAGELS
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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