you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
