so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I stole a fireplace last night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize