I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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