I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
COCAINE IS GR8
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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