ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
