im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
