I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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