Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
