I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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