Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
