hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize