God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
