Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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