before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
