i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
