First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
