just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize