Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Pooping to opera.
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