haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize