You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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