DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The power of my boobs compel you
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
