Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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