I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
