i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
