I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
