i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
