ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You made out with two different species that night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
