There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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