your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
