I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
