Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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