i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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