What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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