peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the gays at disneyland are vicious
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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