So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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