Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
