Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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