what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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