Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
