do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
