look no pants
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
third nipple confirmed
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
