i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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