she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
