I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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