New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
