Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
