theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
