Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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