I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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