I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
