We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
