accomplished twins. life is a go
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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