Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
